


A Room of One's Own

by krissycupcake



Category: Last Tango In Halifax
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-01-04 04:33:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krissycupcake/pseuds/krissycupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Though it hasn't aired yet, I wrote this based off of the clip that's up for S2Ep4, which you can watch here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01mskt1</p><p>This is T, but I intend on writing more so I'm rating it M to be safe for later...</p><p>~*SPOILERS!!!1!!ONE!*~</p><p>Basically, Caroline was taking Kate away for her birthday and booking them a hotel...and she goes and books two rooms instead of one. Also, baby-daddy-candidate-and-Kate's-ex-lover Greg shows up. No idea what will actually happen in the show, but here's my take on what COULD happen. </p><p>I don't own these characters (cause if I did we would only have happy lesbians), they belong to the brilliant Sally Wainwright (#1 ruiner of my life, bless) and Last Tango in Halifax and BBC. Some of the dialogue is also taken from the show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Still of the Night

_You’ve blown it._

The words played over and over in her mind as she sat in her single room, alone. The room was dark and musty, and she sat in her oak-trimmed single bed blankly staring at the tv screen that was playing, well, she wasn’t quite sure what. She couldn’t focus on that with her mind racing with a combination of heart-break, anger, and frustration. The day’s events playing over and over...

_Hello, we’re checking in. The reservation is under the name Elliot, Caroline Elliot._   
_Ah yes, Ms Elliot. We have you here for two rooms._

Kate’s face had dropped as soon as she heard it. Two rooms.

_You’ve blown it._

She had blown it, she knew. She knew the moment she booked the two rooms that Kate was going to be upset. But she had truly choked. It wasn’t a matter of not wanting to be with Kate. God, there wasn’t anything in the world she wanted more than to be with Kate. It just...wasn’t that simple. The thought of having people know, openly, that they were together panicked Caroline, even now as she sat in her room. She could picture the judgmental stares, the whispers that started as they would pass to their single room. She couldn’t handle it. Not yet. She was not ready for the world to know, and she needed Kate to understand that.

It wasn’t a matter of her not caring, it was her own fears and insecurities. Denial, judgment, prejudice - she had worked her entire life to be the ideal woman and avoid these, specifically. She had graduated from Oxford, received her doctorate, married well, had two beautiful boys, ran a school. She had been in charge of her life and the way she was seen. But this was different. This was something she didn’t have control over. Being with Kate wasn’t the same as being with John - past the obvious differences, Kate made her feel whole in a way John never did, but also on edge. She had loved John, she knew that. With John it was always comfortable and familiar, it was easy to be in love with him, especially in the beginning. He was intelligent, good looking, she enjoyed talking to him - what was there not to love?

Kate had started as her friend, as a shoulder to cry on when John left. She was compassionate, caring, soft. She listened, really listened to Caroline, which was what she had needed. Her mother gave too many opinions, everyone else just gave pep talks, but Kate listened. Kate was forward with her feelings from the start. After her divorce she had been with women, and she was much more comfortable with expressing it. Caroline had felt herself being drawn to Kate, and when the moment finally came, the feeling was mutual, but even then she couldn’t say it. Her actions spoke the words she could never say.

Although she hated the way it all went about, to some extent, it had been a relief that she did not have to tell her mother about the relationship. The first time she told Celia, her mother dismissed it. She had dismissed a part of her - told her to bury it, and that’s what she did. She threw her own feelings and desires aside and continued to work for what would make everyone proud. Make everyone accept her.

_You’ve blown it._

Caroline hadn’t joined Kate and Greg for dinner; she hadn’t had much of an appetite since he appeared. Since Kate had last spoken to her. As soon as Greg showed up, Caroline fell into the background. Not only was Kate upset with her, but Greg made an effort to push her aside, hold all of her partner’s attention. He knew the situation. He had also been with Kate. And was still single. She could feel him trying to compete, trying to win Kate back. He very well may have, too. She was so happy to see him and they seemed to be at ease with each other as though they were falling back into some kind of pattern, some kind of relationship.

Could Kate have changed her mind? Could she have met up with Greg and realized that was the life that she really wanted? He could give her a child, Caroline could not. He didn’t have children, either, so they’d be raising the child together, traditionally. They wouldn’t have to explain to people who had carried it, or who or where the father was, and most importantly, he is at a stage where he may want a child or two. Caroline had her boys, and honestly, the thought of having to raise another baby, at her age, was a lot. With Greg she would also be able to go out in public and show off their relationship, he would never make her hide. Being with him would be much easier, and they had been together before...

_You’ve blown it._

Caroline could feel the tears running down her cheeks and she checked the time on her phone. Half ten - they had been out since seven and she still had not heard from Kate. But she wouldn’t call her. She couldn’t call her. The fear that they were together had set in. She would just wait until morning and then ring her and--

There was a knock at the door. 


	2. Small Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so series two has ended and I've waited way too long to add this second chapter, sorry! I could blame it all on final exams and the holidays, but really it's because I couldn't decide where to take it seeing as we now know exactly what happens in the canon world. SO, I decided I'm going to take it in a different direction - which doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be happy any sooner (so I guess that cancels out my comment about how I would only write happy lesbians, oops), or that some things won't coincide with what we've seen. I absolutely loveeee the where Sally Wainwright took the plot, even if it caused me serious chest pain, and I think the finale of s2 was brilliant and perfect and necessary, but I have some ~ideas~ so bare with me as I take this a slightly different way? 
> 
> Idk, let me know if you like it...though this is basically a lot internal Kate!angst to parallel all the internal Caroline thought process from chapter one... 
> 
> I swear I'll eventually actually write interactions and not just thoughts XP

Caroline had excused herself before dinner, and from that moment on Kate’s mind had been reeling. Though she was genuinely happy to catch up with an old friend...and lover, she had purposefully ignored the blonde as soon as Greg appeared. She was so incredibly angry, she needed Caroline to know, she needed Caroline to feel it. The words hurt, but the blatant disregard afterwards would be worse.

She casually let Greg talk at her - nodding at the appropriate places, smiling when necessary. A quick remark on whatever she caught from what he was saying. Something about an old friend and a wedding, though she wasn’t quite sure of all the details, really. She had always been a good listener, quiet, let her partner take the lead in the conversation, so she was sure Greg couldn’t notice that her mind was elsewhere...

Her entire relationship with Caroline had been based on Kate’s undivided attention, actually, and up until that point she had been so happy to give it. Caroline had needed a friend when John left. She had needed someone to support her, and listen to her, and Kate understood that. Their conversations were usually Caroline speaking about her troubles with John or Celia, or worrying about the boys. Even in the early stages of their romantic relationship, where Caroline’s insecurities crept up, Kate hadn’t minded it as much. She knew Caroline was scared and uncomfortable, and she understood where it was coming from. This was new territory and it had to be taken slowly. They had to be careful. So she let the older woman talk and talk, and she listened, and she kept quiet about everything.

But then it changed.

Caroline told John, John told Celia, and now the family knew. It wasn’t just their secret anymore. It had been a mess at the start, sure, but they were finally starting to move past it. Kate could kiss Caroline in places past locked offices and classrooms; she could have dinner with her and the boys; she could hold her hand, lay on the couch and watch the news; she could spend the night... She knew that at school they still had to be discreet, of course, but she was allowed in the house and that was a huge step. One that was even furthered when Caroline asked her to move in - permanently - and sell her own house.

_I want to spend the rest of my life with you._

Caroline had said the words. It was so much more than she had ever said. Though incredibly articulate, and though she could go on of her troubles for hours, when it came to her feelings for Kate, Caroline always seemed to be at a surprising loss for words. She tried not to let it bother her, she tried to be understanding, to give her time, and finally Caroline had opened up. Eleven words that said more than she had in the months they had been together. Hearing those words had meant so much to Kate. Any doubts she had had, any inhibitions, or fears had all slipped away in those precious seconds that Caroline had said those words. God, how she had wanted to kiss her…

_Two rooms._

And then she remembered that morning when they arrived. She was so delighted when Caroline said they would be going away. Beyond ecstatic, really. She had meant it, they were going to spend their lives together, they were partners, outside of the house. It was real. They would eventually have a baby, and raise it together, and be a proper family. And in a minute this had all been torn down. The moment the receptionist said two rooms, and Caroline hadn’t corrected her, the inhibitions came reeling back and hit her like a bullet to the chest. _How could she?_

She got it - Caroline was afraid, but that wasn’t enough of an excuse anymore now that her family knew. The people who truly mattered knew and were dealing, and supportive enough. Relationships weren’t easy, for anyone, and sure this one was perhaps more complicated than others, but they were certainly not the first lesbians in Yorkshire, and it was ridiculous how easily embarrassed Caroline was by it, by her, by **them**. And it hurt. It hurt so much, Kate thought it was a miracle her heart didn’t actually break. It wasn’t easy for anyone, and that Caroline couldn’t make an effort. Couldn’t be with her in front of strangers, people who didn’t matter, who probably would not even care - and even if they did, who gave a shit? They had no bearing on them, on their relationship... Why couldn’t Caroline see that?

She couldn’t take being a secret anymore. She couldn’t take the sneaking around, the lying all because Caroline was uncomfortable. That wasn’t a relationship. They couldn’t be together like that. It was 2013, not 1950, and this was pathetic. They were pathetic. And she told her. For once Kate had finally spoken out.

“So, would you like to come up for a nightcap?” The sudden direct question startled Kate back to reality and she looked up at Greg’s green eyes and sly smirk. “We could talk a bit more about this baby-”

“Yes,” she said before letting him finish. “I just need to go to reception for a moment. What room are you? I’ll meet you back upstairs.”

“Third floor, room C.”

Kate walked over to reception and wrote out a note. “Could you have someone deliver this to Ms Caroline Elliot, please? Floor two, room A.”

“Yes ma’am, of course!”

As Kate made her way up the stairs, she remembered all the instances of Caroline's selfishness, or where she had put Caroline before herself. She convinced herself that this was for the best. Not for them, but for her.  _Caroline didn’t even want to raise another child_ , she thought. _She probably would have left you; you were silly to ever believe she would think of you first. You were silly to ever believe it was going to be anything more than what suited her and her interests..._

Well, tonight was going to be different. Tonight she would put herself first.


	3. Who's Got the Pain?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sad. I'm working up to sex if that's any consolation.

The knock at the door pulled Caroline out of her thoughts and her heart began to race.

 _She came back_ , the blonde thought as she jumped to her feet and quickly stepped in front of the mirror to check her appearance and regain her composure. She took a moment to examine herself - her blue eyes were bloodshot and glistening with tears. Where her makeup had pooled underneath creating dark, puffy bags. Her cheeks and nose were flushed, her hair in a disheveled ponytail with her bangs parted in the center. She pressed her cool, long fingers against her face and wiped the makeup and tears from under her eyes. She pulled her hair loose and tousled it, fixing her bangs so they would hopefully cover her eyes enough that in the dark lighting Kate wouldn’t be able to see how red they were.

She moved to the door, took a deep breath, and opened. 

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 _You can do this. You want this. You want a baby._ Kate told herself as Greg opened the door and let her into his room.

“Would you like a glass of wine? I had a bottle brought up,” he said, closing the door behind her.

Kate smiled, “yes, that would be lovely, thank you.”

Greg ran his hand across her back as he went to pass her, and then grabbed her arm and gave it a soft squeeze. Kate looked at him, chills running through her at his touch. It wasn’t the same chills that crept up in her when Caroline touched her. There was no lust or desire for him, but something stirred in her nonetheless, and she looked down at her feet and brought her hands together, embarrassed.

Greg noticed her reaction and quickly let go and walked to the bottle placed on the desk in the room, already opened, and poured them each a glass.

“We don’t have to…” he focused on the wine as he let the dark red liquid flow into two glasses. Not quite sure what to think of the situation, or what was going through Kate’s mind, he struggled to find the appropriate thing to say. “I mean, if you need to go talk to Caroline or something about it.”

“I don’t need to talk to Caroline.” It was curt. She knew it as soon as she said it. She didn’t mean to respond so harshly, but just the mention of the name and she could feel her blood begin to boil with hurt and frustration all over again.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to...I just thought, since she left and you two...well maybe you needed to-” before he could finish a sentence, Kate had grabbed his arm, turned him to face her, and was kissing him. As she grabbed his stubbled face all she could think of was how much softer Caroline’s smooth skin was. Her hand moved to the back of his neck to pull him closer and she was frustrated that there was no long locks to run her fingers through. His large hands fumbled around her waist and pulled her in. His lips were harder, his face scratched hers and the more she noticed the differences, the more she missed Caroline, and the angrier she became, the harder she kissed him.

Finally, he needed a moment to breathe and pushed her back. “Kate..” he said, staring into her dark eyes, black with rage. He knew.

“I don’t need to talk to bloody Caroline, I need you. Now.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Caroline sat at the end of her bed trembling with the unopened letter in her hand. She didn’t need to read it to know what it said.

It hadn’t been Kate at the door, but a man in a suit delivering a letter from reception. As soon as she saw him she felt the tears begin to pool at her eyes, but she fought them as hard as possible.

“Ms Elliot?” he asked. All she could do was feign a smile and nod. If she opened her mouth she’d either scream or break, and she couldn’t let him see her cry. She took the letter that he held out, nodded, and quickly shut the door and smacked it.

_You fucking idiot. You bloody fucking idiot._

She didn’t stop the tears from falling this time as she made her way over to the bed, sat down, and stared at this little envelope with her name on it in Kate’s handwriting. She turned the envelope around, opened it and pulled out the card.

  
_I’ll be in Greg’s room tonight. Please don’t call me._   
_Feel free to go home if you’d like, there’s really no point in you staying for my sake._  


_Kate_

The pain in her chest was almost too much to bear. It felt as though her heart was shriveling up inside of her. Her head started to spin and Caroline dragged herself to the pillows, laid to her side on one and hugged the second to her chest and cried. The tears just poured out of her for hours and eventually she fell asleep.

She woke up early in the morning, cold and stiff. Her eyes were dry and crusty from tears and makeup, and she rubbed them to try to focus her sight. She found her phone on the oak night table and checked the time - half six. No missed calls. No texts. She looked about the empty, stale room. The tv was still going on mute, and it just made her feel more alone. Her eyes finally found the letter and envelope which had been crumbled and thrown to the floor. She felt the pain in her chest again, but Caroline had no more tears to cry. Not today, at least.

She got up, washed her face, packed her bag, and left _the room_. 


	4. So I'll Begin Not to Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOW, HELLO, YES, I AM NOT DEAD AND THIS IS AN UPDATE. After school, work, a holiday to California, and general life things, I decided I should get around to adding my next chapter. SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG. I'M THE WORST, I KNOW. 
> 
> Okay, so what we have here, since obviously we all know where this goes in the canon world, is a different take on the office scene where Kate tells Caroline she did the dirty and that her eggo is preggo. A lot of the dialogue's the same, and then the end's different and yeah. Idk. It's almost 4 am EST. Enjoy.

 

She had managed to avoid Kate for close to three months now. Though she almost walked into Kate’s classroom after the kids had all cleared out, shortly after their fight, fear took over and she stood paralyzed in the hall staring at the oak door until finally coming to her senses, turning around, and heading back to her office. She rarely left her office lately, except to go to meetings or make a few rounds, for appearance sake. But she knew to avoid the paths she often took to see Kate from one room to another, and she kept them limited. The anxiety that they would eventually have to speak in some setting was likely to drive Caroline mad, but she could not face her.

_Feel free to go home if you’d like, there’s really no point in you staying for my sake._

Caroline was amazed that she could still cry. Just when she thought she’d surely run out of tears, her chest would squeeze and out they’d pour. The day playing over and over in her head. The look on Kate’s face, Greg’s presence, the note… God, how she hated herself. 

A knock and a voice pulled Caroline’s attention to the door. As soon as she heard it her heart sank and she felt chills run up the back of her neck. _Breathe_.   

“Hello, sorry,” Kate said, poking her head in and hiding her frame behind the door. “Beverly said you might have a few minutes…” Caroline couldn’t speak, she just stared. “…or I could come back…”  

“No! No…come in.” Caroline could feel herself start to panic. Why was she here? What had she come for? Was it to talk? She seemed so calm…

As Kate walked in and closed the door she pulled her beige cardigan across her stomach and wrapped it around her blue blouse. She kept her hands across herself as she sat in the chair opposite Caroline and analyzed the blonde. She sat up straight, her glasses on with her fringe slightly in her eyes. She wore a black top with a green cardigan. To anyone else she would look as put together as always, but Kate saw past it. Her eyes were different. Though hidden behind frames and fringe, she could see how empty they looked. The fading color of dark circles hidden by concealer were only slightly visible, but Kate saw them and knew she hadn’t been sleeping. 

But this was no time to feel sorry. She would not feel guilty for feeling hurt, for speaking up, for sleeping with Greg, for becoming pregnant. Caroline had truly hurt her, and she didn’t have time to be with someone who did not want to be open about their relationship. She could raise the child perfectly fine on her own. As much as she wanted Caroline to be there with her, she was not going to deny her child a healthy life because her partner couldn’t be seen with them. She would not inflict that sort of shame on her baby.  

But god did she miss her. In their moments together, Caroline had been caring and gentle. She missed the way she ran her fingers up and down her arm as they’d lay together watching the telly. How soft her mouth was, and even softer were her kisses. Kate could feel herself stirring as her hormones mixed her feelings of anger, desire, hurt, and love. 

“Well,” she started, pushing past everything. “Amazingly enough, I’m pregnant!” 

She couldn’t bring herself to look at Caroline, but she could feel the stare. 

Caroline’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened; she couldn’t control it. A ball started to form at the base of her throat and she tried to swallow, but her mouth was too dry. She could feel the hot waves of heartbreak wash over her, but she couldn’t cry. She refused to let herself cry.  

_She did it. She moved on._

She tried to focus on her breathing. Deep breath in and out. She needed Kate to look at her, but she just continued speaking and averting her eyes around the room. All she could do was keep nodding as Kate spoke, but the words went through one ear and out the other. This was it. It was done. She had been with Greg, she had changed her mind, she was going to have his baby and raise it, and they were going to live a happy life. Caroline could feel her heart literally breaking in her chest. 

“I’d like to come back part-time, this time next year…autumn term,” Kate finished. 

“Right,” was all Caroline could muster. It was her turn to look down as she focused on breathing. 

“Is that possible? I know you’ve always been very good in the past with women who’ve left…to start families and then wanted to go part-time.” Kate searched her face, but Caroline would not look up. She could see that her bottom lip was trembling, but she knew Caroline would fight back the tears in front of her.   
_Don’t back down, don’t feel bad._  

“You’ll have to leave it with me,” Caroline replied. 

“Look, if what you’re really thinking is, ‘you’ll be lucky...,’ I’d rather you just said…” Kate said curtly, and it struck a chord. 

“Now I hope you know me better than that,” the headmistress said, hand up in defense, but her eyes were still low. “I just need time to work out the logistics, that’s all.” 

The idea that Kate honestly thought Caroline would handle this unprofessionally hurt her even more, and angered her some, too. 

Kate did feel bad, though. “Sorry.” 

They sat in silence for what seemed like a century. Kate staring at Caroline, Caroline at her desk. The air was think with all the things they wanted to say, but couldn’t. As Kate stirred in her seat to get up, it was Caroline who broke the silence. 

“So you did it, then? With Greg?” The tone was harsh with hints of judgement. She looked up at Kate for a moment and their eyes met. As quickly as it happened did she have them back down the papers scattered across her desk.  

“Not that it should make any difference to you, but yes, I did.”   
“And is he… Are you…” She couldn’t say it.  
“He was never really going to be a part of the equation beyond…”  
“Is there… anyone else…” She didn’t know why she was asking. If there was, she didn’t want to know.   
“No.”  
“Sorry.” 

Silence fell again for another century, it seemed. 

“Caroline, I’ve got to go…” Kate said, and got up and walked to the door. Before she knew what was happening, Caroline was out of her desk and holding onto Kate’s wrist.  

“Please.” 

Kate turned and looked at Caroline. Her soft brown eyes met the blue, brilliant with tears. 

“Kate, I’m so sorry. I know I blew it, I just…” the tears were streaming down her face now. Kate’s wrist was still in her hand and suddenly the air between them became very tight and thick. They quickly became aware of how close they were.  

Kate’s hormones were everywhere and she quickly grabbed the back of Caroline’s head, clutching a fistful of hair and pulling her face in so that their lips met. 

It was an urgent kiss. Their teeth nipped at each others’ lips, their tongues clashed and collided. Caroline pushed Kate against her door, her left hand sliding over her stomach, to the top button on her trousers, and she undid it. Her hand went further down, under the thin material, as she dipped two fingers into Kate. Kate brought her hands to Caroline’s shoulders and dug her nails into the cotton. A deep moan released from her throat as Caroline moved faster against her clit, her mouth on Kate’s neck.  

Kate’s mind and body were on fire. She wanted Caroline. Oh, how she wanted her. But not like this again, not in the office, not in hiding.  

“Stop” she said in an airy breath. 

“Caroline,” she said, panting. “Stop.” It was stronger this time and the blonde pulled back, bringing her hand to Kate’s hip. Her eyes were bewildered and then she went red.  

“I’m sorry.” She moved away from Kate, looking down at her shoes. 

“Don’t you see? This is exactly it. Look at where we are. Again. What are we doing?”   
“I don’t…”  
“Caroline, I can’t do this. I can’t be your secret. I can’t raise a child with someone who would be afraid of going for a walk with us for fear of what others may say or think. It isn’t fair to me or the baby.” 

 Caroline couldn’t speak, she just stared at her shoes. Her fingers locked in front of her as she twiddled her thumbs. 

 Kate waited for a response, but Caroline gave none. 

 “Goodbye, Caroline.”  

It was so definite, a nd with that, Kate walked out of the office and closed the door. 

 


	5. How Could I Leave You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OMG LOOK I'M UPDATING WITHIN THE SAME MONTH! :O 
> 
> Okay, so, spin on the hospital visit. Enjoy xx

In the moment, she hadn’t even thought about how it might have looked. The headmistress leaving school, skipping her meetings, rushing out to go see another teacher. Even if they were friends, that would be…drastic, to say the least.    


She played back the scene in her head. 

_  
Kate’s gone into hospital…she’s bleeding. I didn’t know if you’d want me to tell you or not._

  
Had Beverly noticed that she and Kate hadn’t been speaking? Was it that obvious to the staff?  

 _  
You have meetings_ , was her immediate response, as if she knew Caroline would leave as soon as she got the news.  As if she knew Caroline cared about Kate in a more than friendly manner… 

  
She didn’t have time to worry about what Beverly knew or didn’t. Kate was in hospital, and Caroline couldn't leave her to it alone: bleeding. That was the only thing to focus on, getting to Kate. 

How severe was the bleeding, she wondered. They hadn’t called an ambulance, so perhaps not much. If it was spotting she could be fine, the baby could be fine, it could be nothing. But if it were more… 

  
She pushed down on the accelerator and shifted gears as she made her way through the cars on the road. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The drive back to school was a tense, yet quiet one. Kate had called for a taxi, and therefore left her car behind. Caroline had offered to drive her back after the good news. The baby was a fine, healthy little girl. 

  
Neither spoke, though they both had so much to say. 

  
Caroline pulled up to the school, around the roundabout, and stopped next to Kate’s car. She stared at the steering wheel, afraid to look at Kate. Remembering what had happened last time they had been that close, alone… 

  
“Caroline,” Kate said, calling for the blonde’s attention. Caroline turned her head slightly, but kept her eyes low. Staring at Kate’s hands instead of her face. The hands that had reached out for hers in a moment of desperation at the hospital. It only lasted a few minutes before Kate became aware and pulled away, but those minutes had been precious. How she longed to just reach out and hold her hand again… 

  
“Caroline, thank you.” It was so sincere, Caroline had to look up. Kate’s eyes were dark and soft. She looked tired. The stress of the day couldn’t have helped. 

  
“You’re welcome,” she said, as she felt the corners of her mouth turn up slightly. 

  
“You didn’t have to come.”  
“I know.”  
“Thank you.” 

  
Caroline nodded. 

  
Kate wanted to tell her how much it had truly meant. How her heart had skipped a beat when she felt Caroline sit next to her in the waiting room. She hadn’t had to turn, she knew the second the blonde figure sat and her scent filled the room. She had been so nervous, so upset, so convinced she had lost the baby, but the moment Caroline sat down she felt slightly better. Slightly safer. 

  
But she couldn’t tell her. She had already ended it, twice. She couldn’t do that to Caroline again. She couldn’t do that to herself again. That’s why she had let go of her hand. It wasn’t right, for either of them, to go down that path.

  
“Well, I should be off. Thank you, again, for…everything.”  
“Of course. Ring me if you…well, yeah.  
“Yeah.”  
“Sorry,” Caroline looked down again, embarrassed to have suggested it. 

  
“Yeah, well, I’ll see you at the wedding, then.” Kate began to move to open the door.  
“What…what wedding?” Caroline’s head shot up. Her forehead furrowed with confusion.  
“Celia and Alan’s. Celia called me a month ago and asked if I was still playing, and…didn’t you know?” 

  
Caroline could not believe this. 

  
“And you said yes?” She could hear the edge in her voice, but she didn’t care. She had suddenly become rather annoyed. 

  
“Well, yes. I didn’t think it would be fair to her or Alan, just because we…is it alright?”

  
Caroline looked at her for a moment, stunned. 

  
“It’s fine, Kate. It’s fine.”  
“It’s only that I had promised, and she really wants to enter to-“  
“It’s fine, really.”  

  
It was Kate’s turn to be embarrassed. She turned and faced the door, and opened it.

  
“Right, sorry. So, um, yeah. Bye, then, Caroline.” and with that Kate got out of the large Grand Cherokee and walked around to get into her car. 

  
Caroline just stared blankly at the door. 

  
“Shit.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Celia let her daughter in. 

  
“Hi, mum,” Caroline said, as she stepped into her mother’s flat and kissed her cheek.   
“How was your day, love?” The older woman replied. 

  
Caroline laughed. 

   
“Well, I spent a better part of the afternoon with Kate at the hospital. Then she told me she’ll be playing at your wedding, regardless of the fact that we are no longer together. So, it’s been grand, really.” 

   
Celia looked at her, perplexed by the load of information she had just absorbed.

   
“Hospital? What happened? Why were you in hospital?”   
“No, I wasn’t in hospital. Kate was, and I went to see-“  
“What happened to Kate?”

  
Caroline realized in that moment that she hadn’t told her mother that Kate was pregnant. 

   
“Well…Kate’s about seven months…pregnant, and she had some bleeding and went in to see what was wrong. It turned out to be nothing, she was perfectly fine, just a bit of spotting, really, and she’s having a little girl…”

   
Celia’s stared at Caroline and pursed her lips. 

   
“Ah,” she said, finally, raising her eyebrows. “So she’s pregnant, then? Did she…”  
“With Greg, yes.”   
“Ah,” she said again, turning and walking to a chair across the room and sitting down. 

   
“Mum, Kate’s being pregnant is not the point. The point is you-“  
“I just don’t understand,” she said, shaking her head.  
“What?” Caroline replied in an exasperated tone. This wasn’t what she had come to discuss.   
“Well,” Celia paused to think of how to say it. “If she was…and you two were, are…why would she, how would she…?”   
“Have sex with a man?”  
“Well, yes.” 

   
Caroline rolled her eyes and sighed.

   
“Mum, I didn’t come here to talk about Kate sleeping with other people. I don’t want to talk about Kate sleep—I don’t want to think about that. I want to know why you insist on having her come when you know we aren’t together? Surely you could find someone else?”  
“Well, she had offered and I don’t know anyone else. And especially to do it on Christmas Eve. I was lucky she said yes.”   
“I see,” Caroline said pensively.  
“Surely you’ll be alright. It’s not as if you’ll have to speak to each other. She’ll just play the organ and get on with her night.”   
“Right.” 

   
Celia stared at Caroline, and the tall blonde had to smile at her mother. 

  
“It is what you really want, isn’t it?” 

   
Celia returned the smile.

  
“It is.”  
“Alright, then,” Caroline conceded. 

_And since I can’t very well change it now, anyway…_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was planning what to do with this, I told my friend that I was going to have Kate basically say "LOL STILL GOING TO THE WEDDING BITCH. YO MOMMA CALLED ME." And she was like IN THOSE EXACT WORDS PLEASE. And then we realized that would be so incredibly cringe-worthy, we could actually die of second-hand embarrassment. But I thought you should all picture Kate saying it just so you can giggle...and cringe, too. 
> 
> ALSO! I already know where I'm ending this, and it'll either come in two more chapters, or one big long one. The end is near, my lovely readers. (and then I'll probably go back to writing one-off sex scenes...unless y'all want another chapter thing? And have suggestions/requests?)


	6. Life: It Means Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's been two months. I refused to go to sleep until I finished this bloody thing and now it's 5 am. I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAPPY. 
> 
> *"Let's Go Crazy" plays in the background*

_Tonight with words unspoken_

 

It was as if no one were there. It was the two of them, and they were together again, and that was all that had mattered. 

 

_You say that I’m the only one_

 

Kate placed Caroline’s hands on her hips, her belly pressed between them. She ran her hands up and down Caroline’s arms softly as their foreheads touched. The blonde’s scent intoxicated her. The baby kicked, her body stirred. 

 

_But will the spell be broken_

 

Caroline felt Kate’s finger on her jawline and mover her face closer; her mouth closer. Their lips met and that was when she knew.

 

_When the night meets the morning sun_

 

* * *

Caroline led Kate to her room and stopped in front of the door, turned, and looked at her. 

 

“Kate, I’m sor-“  
“Shhh,” Kate cut her off as she closed the space between them and kissed Caroline. “Open the door.” 

 

Caroline followed suit, grabbed Kate’s hand, kissed it, and brought her in. They walked through the short hallway to the bed in the middle of the room. Caroline let go of Kate’s hand and walked to the desk in the far corner of the room and took off her shoes. Kate watched as Caroline’s pale figure then removed her cardigan, dress, and stockings and neatly placed them over the desk chair. She couldn’t help but laugh at Caroline’s meticulousness. 

 

“What?!” Caroline turned quickly at the sound.   
“You,” Kate replied, laughing as she slipped out of her shoes.   
“What did I do?” Caroline said, walking over to her. She placed her right hand on Kate’s swollen belly and her left behind her neck, stroking her cheek with her thumb.   
“Nothing,” Kate said, grabbing Caroline’s arm and pressing her face against her wrist. “You’re perfect,” she kissed her wrist. “Absolutely perfect.” 

 

Caroline pulled Kate in and kissed her. As much as she wanted to do otherwise, she made sure it was sweet. She took Kate’s bottom lip between hers softly, pressing into her. God, how she had dreamed of this. How she had longed and prayed to feel Kate’s mouth against hers. To have her in her arms again.  Could this even be real? She had dreamt it enough times to know that if she opened her eyes right now, it could all be gone in an instant. She felt tears forming, running down her face, but she would not open her eyes. She couldn’t lose this. Not again. 

 

Kate felt the moisture against her skin, but she did not pull away. Instead, she wiped Caroline’s eye and stroked her cheek with her left hand, bringing the blonde in closer with her right as she wrapped it around her waist. She could feel the emotions beginning to boil within herself as well. Caroline had publicly acknowledged their relationship. She had finally shown her that she mattered more than the opinions of everyone else. Her family, friends, everyone that had held her back before. They could make this work. They could be together wholly and truly. They could raise her daughter…their daughter, together.

 

At that Kate broke their kiss and placed her head on Caroline’s shoulder as tears began to stream down her face. Caroline rubbed her back, her tears still falling. She buried her face in Kate’s hair, kissing her head. They stood like that for a few moments. Embracing each other, the reality of the situation, and their emotions. 

 

Caroline was the first to break the silence with a chuckle. 

 

“Imagine this, our first night back together and we’re crying.”

 

Kate joined in, wiping her eyes. 

 

“I’m sorry.”   
“I’m sorry, too.” 

 

Their eyes had adjusted to the darkness and they just stared at each other. It wasn’t the crying they apologized for, but everything behind it. All the pain that had been inflicted. They didn’t need to talk about it further, they were aware of what they had each done. How they had hurt each other. This time would be different. They were assuring each other of it all. 

 

Kate guided Caroline backwards so that she was forced to sit on the edge of the bed. She straddled her, wiped her eyes with her thumbs, and pulled back Caroline’s hair with her hands. 

 

Caroline looked up at Kate for what seemed like a century. Her hands wrapped around her, folded at the small of her back. 

 

“I love you.” 

 

Kate kissed her. 

 

The kiss grew deeper then. Caroline pulled at the tie on the side of Kate’s dress and it opened, revealing her pregnant stomach. Caroline held it on either side as she kissed it along the top of the stockings. She ran her hands up, over the lace of Kate’s bra that covered her swollen breasts. Kate moaned. Caroline continued up to Kate’s shoulders and pushed the dress back, down Kate’s arms and to the ground. She stood up then, pulled down the covers, and switched positions as she helped Kate down into the bed and onto her back. 

 

She got in next to Kate and quickly kissed her lips then began trailing kisses down her jaw, neck, chest, and over her stomach where she stopped to roll down the stockings. Kate lifted her legs to assist and then shifted herself to the center of the bed. Caroline threw the stockings to the ground with the rest of the growing pile. She slid her hands up Kate’s bent legs and stroked her inner thighs. Kate gasped and released a deep breath. She was already wet and ready. Her hormones going wild. Caroline pulled down her pants and threw them aside as well. This time she made her way up with her mouth, sliding Kate’s legs over her shoulders as she got closer and closer to the warmth of her center. She bit gently down Kate’s inner right thigh and the woman bucked her hips in response. 

 

“Please…” she said, almost in a whisper. 

 

Caroline hesitated a moment.

 

“Are you sure…the baby...” 

 

Kate reached down and Caroline grabbed her hand with her left one. 

 

“Caroline, please.” 

 

The lust in her voice was enough to drive Caroline mad. She brought her mouth closer and gently slid her tongue against her. Kate’s hips started to lift from the bed, but Caroline pinned her right one down. Kate squeezed Caroline’s hand in approval.  She moved slowly. Gliding her tongue softly across Kate: up, circling her clit, and then back down. She moved tenderly. Tasting every big she could; savoring everything. 

 

Kate’s body was on fire. She need Caroline now – faster. 

 

“Fuck. Caroline, please.” As she pulled her hand away and dug it into Caroline’s hair and pulled her in closer. Caroline picked up speed. Circling, pressing, and flicking Kate’s clit in swift motions as she dug her fingers into her thighs, pinning her to the bed. Kate pushed down on Caroline’s head as she felt herself coming.  “Faster” Kate panted as the pressure built and built.  Caroline brought her left hand in and inserted two fingers into Kate as she kept her mouth on her. Kate screamed and clenched around Caroline’s fingers. Her body shook as her orgasm overtook her. Her hands pulled Caroline’s hair, moving her head away. 

 

Caroline rested her head against her lover’s thigh and she lay small kisses there as she watched Kate come down – the pace of her chest’s rising and falling slowing, her breath normalizing. Her eyes were still closed, her top teeth that had bitten down on her lower lip now slowly released it, and her lips turned upwards slightly as she basked in the pleasure.  It was the most beautiful sight Caroline had ever seen and she couldn’t help but smile. She moved up to lay next to Kate and nuzzled her face into her neck and traced circles along her belly. The baby kicked excitedly from within and they both laughed. 

 

“Well, someone's happy,” Caroline said into Kate’s neck and kissed it.   
“She’s not the only one,” Kate said, lacing her fingers with Caroline’s on her stomach so that they could feel the baby together. “She’s happy her mothers are here.”   
Kate turned her head and kissed Caroline’s forehead. Caroline brought herself up so their faces could meet and they kissed gently. 

  
“You should get some rest,” the blonde finally said. “You both need it.”  
“But…” Kate said, with surprise and disappointment.   
“Mother’s orders.” Caroline replied, defiantly. 

“Are you sure?”   
“There’s plenty of time later, but right now, you should sleep.”

 

Kate kissed her again and then turned to her side. Caroline pulled the covers over them as she spooned Kate. 

 

“I love you,” she whispered into her ear.   
“I love you, too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is it. This is the end. I hope you enjoyed it!!!
> 
> I'll write other fics, I'm just ending this cause I started it in 2013 and I'm now more than halfway through 2014 and I just feel like it's time it ends. If you have any requests or prompts or something for other fics just let me know in the comments or message me on tumblr (krissycupcake) and I'll totally write them. I'm heading off to the UK this weekend, but that I means I'll have two 7-8 hour flights where I probably won't sleep and can just write, soooo...


End file.
